Fear, morality, and god

In my "search" for God, I have been struck by an evil force, to put it in metaphorical terms. 

I should say that the reason why I started my search for God was an emotional one. A reaction to a fear I could not bear. In some sense, I needed God. I needed the comfort that religion gives to those who blind fully cling to its claims. In this way faith is, like the saying goes, "bliss." There's no question then as to why I would react in such way, but an understanding that this would be the way any human with emotions would.

So, what is this fear I'm talking about? This fear is the fear of hell, of damnation. This fear has a way of attaching itself to your rational mind and disabling it. It stops you from making objective observations about your condition and of the evidence. (I'm referring to evidence for having such believes of deserving damnation.) The fear itself is like a big wall, if you're unwilling to cross it, it won't move.

The, what is the nature of faith but fear? Fear of being on the wrong side, of opposing God, of damnation, of loneliness, of being unhappy, of being incapable of love, of being immoral, of being unrighteous, of being hateful. Christianity claims these things as being properties of those who do not share in their faith. It also claims that their infinitely loving and compassionate God is the one who grants righteousness to those who attach themselves to this faith. 

What I believe is that we should strive to be better humans as to prove ourselves capable of being moral. Not because we owe God, but because we owe it to ourselves and to others. In doing this, we will be capable of crossing the great wall that is fear and then will we be able to live a life that is meaningful. The way this overcomes fear is by showing us that we really are capable of love, that we are capable of compassion, that we are capable of being moral. Then we'll know that we do not need an evil God to help us become moral.